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Write it by hand if you can, keep it short, and make it personal: name the person who died, share one specific memory of them, and offer one concrete form of help rather than a vague 'let me know.' Send it within a couple of weeks of the death. A plain card beats an elaborate one with only a signature.
| Say this | Not this |
|---|---|
| "I was so sorry to hear about Michael." | "I know exactly how you feel." (You don't.) |
| "I'll never forget the way he told that story about the boat." | "He's in a better place." (Not everyone finds this comforting.) |
| "I'll bring dinner by on Thursday; no need to answer the door." | "Let me know if you need anything." (Puts the burden on them.) |
| "Thinking of you and the kids." | Details about the illness or how they looked at the end. |
Three short paragraphs are plenty. First: say you heard the news and that you're sorry. Use the deceased person's name; it signals that you knew them as a person, not as an event. Second: one specific memory. It doesn't need to be profound. "She always saved me the corner piece of the lasagna" does more work than a paragraph of adjectives, because it proves the relationship was real. Third: one concrete offer of help, with the logistics already decided. "I'll mow the lawn on Saturdays through October" will actually happen. "Let me know if you need anything" almost never does, because a grieving person will not assign you a task.
What you leave out matters as much as what you put in. Don't explain the death, don't offer theories about why it happened, and don't compare it to your own losses. Don't write about how the person looked near the end. And don't give advice about grieving: there is no wrong way to do it, and a condolence letter is not the place to suggest one.
If your handwriting is legible, yes. A handwritten note carries effort in a way print never will, and effort is the entire message of a condolence letter. It says you sat down, thought about them, and took the time. A printed letter or a card with only your signature says you remembered, which is fine, but it says less.
That said, a sincere typed letter beats a handwritten one nobody can read, and a card with two genuine sentences beats a blank card with a flourish of a signature. The hierarchy is: personal and legible first, medium second. If handwriting is genuinely hard for you, type it and sign it by hand. The signature is the part people keep.
Within a couple of weeks of the death is the norm. But late is far better than never: a note that arrives two months later, when the casseroles have stopped and everyone else has moved on, is often the one that gets remembered. Grief gets lonelier after the funeral, not before it.
Send it to the home address, addressed to the person you know best: the spouse, the parent, the adult child. If you knew several family members, one letter to the household is fine, but name the deceased in it. "The family" as a salutation reads like you weren't sure who died. And if you only knew the deceased through work, a note to the spouse mentioning that connection ("I worked with David for six years") gives your words a context that makes them land.
Simple and plain. Heavy stock, muted color, no glitter, no jokes, no religious imagery unless you share the family's faith. The card is a frame; your words are the picture. Spend your effort on the two or three sentences inside, not on finding the perfect card. People keep condolence letters for years. Nobody remembers the card.
Ready to mail it? Send your letter with LetterAgent: describe it to your AI assistant, approve the exact quoted price, and it is printed and mailed.
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