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Address the card to "The Miller Family" on the outer envelope, with the parents' full names on the mailing line beneath it. Traditional etiquette puts children's names on the inner envelope only, never on the outer one. For households that do not fit the classic mold, list each adult by full name instead of forcing a family label.
| Household | Outer envelope | Inner envelope (if you use one) |
|---|---|---|
| Married couple, same surname | The Miller Family / Mr. and Mrs. James Miller | James, Laura, Emma, and Ben |
| Married couple, different surnames | The Miller-Chen Family / Mr. James Miller and Ms. Laura Chen | James, Laura, Emma, and Ben |
| Unmarried partners | Ms. Laura Chen and Mr. James Miller | Laura, James, Emma, and Ben |
| Single parent | The Chen Family / Ms. Laura Chen | Laura, Emma, and Ben |
| Same-sex couple | The Miller Family / Mr. James Miller and Mr. David Okafor | James, David, Emma, and Ben |
This is the rule people question most, and it has a practical origin. Outer envelopes carry the mailing address and go through sorting machines; the inner envelope is the personal part, opened at the table. Listing children on the outer envelope adds nothing for delivery and broadcasts the children's names to everyone who handles the mail. The inner envelope is where the warmth goes: first names of everyone, in order, adults first. If you are not using inner envelopes (most people do not anymore), one tasteful compromise is "The Miller Family" on the outer envelope and the children's names handwritten inside the card.
Use full names and skip the label. "The Miller Family" assumes a shared surname or a shared household story, and plenty of families have neither: blended families, multigenerational households, roommates who are family in every way that matters. Listing each person by name is never wrong and never presumptuous. For alphabetical order, the old rule was the man's name first; modern usage lists names alphabetically or simply as you know them. When you are unsure, mirror how the family refers to itself on their own holiday card from last year: that is your answer key.
Earlier than feels necessary. Domestic holiday cards should be mailed in the first two weeks of December at the latest; international ones need most of November. The postal services publish holiday mailing deadlines every year, and they move: check the current ones rather than relying on last year's memory. A card that arrives December 26 is a New Year's card. If you are sending more than a handful, address them in batches across a few evenings instead of one marathon session: handwriting degrades fast, and sorting machines punish sloppy addresses.
Yes, always. Holiday cards get returned more than ordinary mail because people move in December and forwarding orders lag. A return address in the upper left corner (or on the flap) means the card comes back to you instead of vanishing, and you learn the new address for next year. It also matters for the etiquette of the thing: an unsigned, unaddressed card is a mystery, not a greeting.
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